Child Rearing & Discipline

These are for parents of children of the middle years, starting somewhere around preschool and continuing mostly through the pre-teen years. In theory, following the more useful of these books during the pre-teen years may prevent many problems of teenagerhood. Books on discipline and other topics that are specific to Preschoolers and Teens are placed into those two categories, respectively.


Ginott: Between Parent and Child (1965, Avon; none)
[sources incl. amazon]
        Focuses on language and the extra meanings it carries. 
        Discipline without hitting, yelling, ordering.

Gordon: P.E.T. - Parent Effectiveness Training (1990, about $12)

[sources incl. local public libraries and amazon]
        Active listening. I messages. Discipline without hitting, yelling, 
        ordering. Definitely a worthwhile resource.

Foster Cline, M.D. and Jim Fay
Parenting with Love and Logic--Teaching Children Reponsibility 
ISBN 0-89109-311-7  copyright 1990
[sources incl. amazon]
	This parenting book has some great information about helping your
	child become a responsible, considerate, well behaved, child with a
	good opinion of themself.  The authors recommend giving your child
	choices  so they learn to make responsible decisions at an early age.
	One example dealt with a child who was never ready to go to school at
	the time his mother needed to leave.  She finally used the love and
	logic approach.  She announced that she would be leaving at a certain
	time in the morning and the child had the choice of going in the car
	dressed or in nightclothing.  She took a bag of clothing along so the
	child could dress properly for school.

	A book I recommend is Parenting With Love and Logic, by Jim Fay.  If
	he is ever in your area giving a talk, you should go.  He has a lot of
	good stuff to say, and is real entertaining to boot.  Ask at your
	school about his books and tapes - lots of educators buy into his
	philosophy, and they often have his stuff in the library. 
	-- Lynne A Fitzsimmons [posted]

	Time-outs quit being effective with our daughters (now 6 & 4 years
	old). We have been using more creative strategies for problem
	behavior. [This book] has been helpful for us.  It's been a while
	since I read the book, but the main strategies we got from it were to
	1)let the child know what their choices are and 2)have a logical
	consequence for unwanted behavior.  For example, I don't want the kids
	balancing the kitchen chairs on two legs during dinner.  They now know
	that they can either keep all four chair legs on the floor *or* they
	can sit on the floor to eat. This approach requires more thinking than
	sending the kids to time outs does, but it's been much more effective 
	for us. -- Carolyn Peterson (from a post)


Kay Kuzma: Building Your Child's Character
[sources incl. amazon]
	One book that I highly recommend. --anon.

Theodore Dreikurs: "Children: the Challenge"
[sources incl. amazon]
	Theodore Dreikurs is one of the teachers of the founders of STEP.  He
	advocates a "democratic" method of child rearing.  Of particular
	importance in this book is an opening section that deals with the
	importance of birth order in the development of children's
	personalities.  His theory, commonly accepted now, is that first born
	children have more in common with each other than the first and second
	born children within the same family will have with each other. 
	Dreikurs also offers some very concrete methods for dealing with
	children in various situations.  An EXCELLENT book! 

Dinkmeyer, McKay and Dinkmeyer:
"The Parents' Handbook" 
[sources incl. amazon]
"Parenting Young Children" 	
[sources incl. amazon]
	These books are part of the STEP parenting method.  The goal of these
	books  are straightforward and simple:  children are persons, who
	should be accorded  the same amount of respect that adults show their
	adult friends.  Keeping  that in mind, power struggles between parents
	and children don't have to  happen, and fighting constantly with your
	kids is not a necessary part of raising them.  These books are very
	well written, easy to understand, and are quite intuitive.  There are
	helpful techniques such as reflective listening which are explained
	clearly and concisely, and everything just makes good sense.

Adele Faber & Elaine Mazlish:
How to Talk So Children Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk. 
Paperback, about $8.
[sources incl. amazon]
	Explains the use of "logical consequences" for discipline.
	Shows an alternative to the things my parents did that I'd
	rather improve on.

	This is worth every cent and more. It's more than use of logical
	consequences. It shows practical ways of implementing a relationship
	between parent	and child that is based on respect. And I go back and
	reread sections	every once and awhile. This is one to have on hand 
	for reference.

	There is a quote on the front of the book [How to talk...]
	that says," Will bring about more cooperation from children than all
	the yelling and pleading in the world. " I think this book has some
	very powerful messages for parents. It teaches us how to acknowledge
	our childrens feelings, and by doing so minimize the war. There are
	actual exercises that parents can work on with their children. I guess
	you could call them little experiments to see if what these woman are
	saying really works. The chapters deal with; 1. Helping children deal
	with their feelings, 2. Engaging cooperation, 3. Alternatives to
	punishment, 4. Encouraging Autonomy, 5. Praise, 6. Freeing children
	from playing roles, 7. Putting it all together. This isn't a book you
	read from front to back and thhen try to put into affect in your life.
	The authors encourage you to read each chapter and then put the book
	down for awhile until you have had a chance to use what you've
	learned. I think this is a brilliant way to write this type of book. 
	Too much of anything at once can overwhelm a person. 

	What they don't tell you, is that you have to be dealing with one
	of the thoughtful children in the book.  These techniques are much
	less effective with *real* children.  [Eds. Note: That was Judy Leedom
	Tyrer saying that. Other parents disagree. Perhaps the disclaimer
	should be that they are less effective with *her* children. :-)] Now,
	I did *not* say they will not work, I said that they're much less
	effective.  While some of their techniques of dealing with problems
	work some of the time, I found that the book left most of us (in a
	class using their book as a text) high about the technique and
	deflated as we found that we needed to be using one of the children in
	the book (i.e., the techniques work much less often and to a lower
	degree).  I felt the same way about Siblings without rivalry.   While
	they give a lot of points to help alleviate parental guilt, the
	results  did not meet the expectations I had from reading the book.  
	My disappointment  in the books had to do with the techniques and 
	conclusions not matching  reality a large percent of the time.


Adele Faber & Elaine Mazlish. 
Siblings Without Rivalry. Paperback, about $8.
[sources incl. amazon]
	This was good for me even though I have only one child--I am a
	sibling myself, after all, and I wanted to know that that trauma
	wasn't necessary. 

	Again, worth every cent and more. I have an almost 3 year old and a
	just four year old. And _I_ think they are siblings without rivalry.
	That doesn't mean they don't want the same thing or do the same thing.
	But it means that we try to get them to solve the problems they are
	having instead of doing arbitration. And it works a lot better than
	you'd think for kids this age. The other eye opener for me was that of
	putting your kids in roles. For instance, my younger son is very agile
	and very at home in his body. Without this book, I would have
	classified him as an athlete, gymnast, or something and perhaps never
	let any other part of him develop as it should. In addition, this
	would not have been fair to my other son who is no slouch when it
	comes to physical activity. But his abilities could have been ignored.
	I guess you get the idea that I heartily recommend this book. 

Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish
"Liberated Parent/ Liberated Child"
[sources incl. amazon]
	I really enjoyed this book and am on my 2nd reading.  The book
	contains a wealth of information and needs to be worked on slowly over
	a long period of time.  There are lots of good tips,many of which will
	work over time if practiced consistently.  Not every technique will
	work every time for every child.  As other posters noted, the book
	really outlines an attitude and an approach which you can adapt to
	your own needs.  I've found this book to be really helpful.

	The good thing about the Faber&Mazlish books are their easy-to-read
	format which makes them very accessible to a large portion of the
	public.
	
Gordon, Thomas: Parent effectiveness training; the no-lose program for 
raising responsible children.  New York, P. H. Wyden [1970].
[sources incl. amazon]
	This book is not as easy to read as the Faber&Mazlish books but I
	think it's  great. The main thing (so far) that I've got out of it is
	the idea of  reflexive listening, defining ownership of problems (how
	problems are dealt  with depends on who owns it), and using I
	messages. The latter, especially,  is forcing me to think "what is
	REALLY going on here" when my kids and I run into problems. Another
	thing that I liked was the message of hope. By that I mean the book
	says that families can have close relationships	period. I am of the
	opinion that the generation gap or rebellion or hardships that usually
	happen with teenagers doesn't have to be and this book has validated
	this for me. It is here in this book that the different parenting
	styles (authoritarian, democratic (although I don't remember whether
	he used this term or not), and permissive) that have been discussed 
	on the net are defined.

Leman: "Making children mind without losing yours." 
[sources incl. amazon]
	This book is really for children at least 2 years of age, up through
	teens. The basic philosophy is this:  Give your kids choices, and let
	them deal with the consequences of their decisions.  It is a middle
	ground between authoritarian (you'll behave because I said so, and
	that's it!) and passive (whatever makes you happy darling).  His
	methods are firm but loving.  He advocates unconditional love, IOW
	never threaten to to take your love away (or the appearance of  it) if
	a child does not obey.  He gives lots of good examples too, and, 
	it's a short book!

Fitzhugh Dodson: "How to Parent"
[sources incl. amazon]

	[Warning: Don't confuse Dodson with Dobson. Two entirely
different authors! I'm not positive that the following review is for
the correct author, as it's clear that the other one, Dobson, *is* a
strong advocate of spanking and hitting children with objects. --Paula Burch]

	This is a controversial book that not everyone likes, mostly because
	Dodson does not take a firm anti-spanking stance and believes that
	parents who refuse to let their children play with guns are raising
	wimps.  However, Dodson does have a lot of examples from his private
	practice and is very good about taking controversial stances and
	defending them.  He refers to the terrible twos as  "first
	adolescence".  And he has a very wonderful section on discipline which
	has nothing to do with spanking. - anon.


James Dobson: THE STRONG WILLED CHILD
[sources incl. amazon]
	a terrible (with patches of useful stuff) authoritarian book from a
	strict Christian perspective. --Anon. [Eds. note: I suspect that many
	good Christians will not agree with the concept that the ideas
	espoused by this book are necessarily Christian.] 

	I'm wary of this book
	because parents have posted advocating beating their children with a
	stick, and claimed that this author told them to! Obviously a 
	controversial topic, one on which I'm not without my own
	biases. --Paula Burch

Mary Sheedy Kurcinka: "Raising Your Spirited Child" ISBN 0-06-092328-8.
HarperCollins Publishers.  Paper-back, $10.00.
[sources incl. amazon]
	What I particularly liked about this book was its focus on temperament
	in both  children and adults. There are many character traits that are
	inborn tendencies, and we're better off working with them rather than
	butting heads with them  constantly. It's a more subtle case of the
	jock parent having an artistic son. This book will not meet the
	approval of those who want to step in and alter  undesireable behavior 
	immeidately.  It's very much a process thing. 
						      ...I have been
	reading and enjoying RAISING YOUR SPIRITED CHILD, A Guide for Parents
	Whose Child is More. The 'spirited' in the title replaces the
	'difficult' child.  My 6+ year old son have always been 'spirited'.  I
	read the threads on ADDH fearing that someone down the line is going
	to label him that.  He's very sensitive and VERY active.  This book
	puts his 'spirit' in perspective and has helpful comments on how to 
	handle that spiritidness ala Faber and Mazlish.  

Mary Sheedy Kurcinka: Raising Your Spirited Child Workbook
 [sources incl. amazon]
	This will probably be popular with those who liked "Raising
Your Spirited Child". --Paula Burch

Stanley Turecki and Leslie Tonner: The Difficult Child. Bantam Books, c1985, 
ISBN 0-553-05098-2 (there is also a revised paperback version out now, too.)
[sources incl. amazon]
	This is a very good book not only for parents of difficult children
	(there is a quiz that will help you identify the areas in whch your
	child is difficult_ but also for parents with children going through
	difficult times.  It has a very practical and effective strategy for
	handling problems which allow you to focus on specific problems and
	work with your children on handling the behavior.  A must for any 
	parent who feels at the end of his or her rope.

   	There are any number of excellent books out there about child rearing,
	but one of the best I have found for understanding and working with
	"difficult" or hard-to-raise children is [this].
    	Quoting from the book jacket: "Every child comes into the world with
	an inborn temperament-certain traits that make him or her 'easy' or
	'difficult' to raise....Temperamentally difficult children almost
	always confuse or upset their parents, but they are not all alike.
	Some have bad days; others are difficult nearly all the time. They are
	often defiant, especially to the mother They whine, complain or throw
	tantrums; they're stubborn and don't listen. Some are active to the
	point of wildness. Others are very shy, clingy and can't tolerate new
	people or situations. Some won't eat or sleep at regular times -
	others are picky and peculiar about food and clothes. Simple everyday 
	routines like meals, bedtimes, and dressing can provoke pitched 
	battles."
   	Dr. Turecki developed a Difficult Child Program for Beth Israel Medical

	Center in NYC. This book is based upon the work done there. I
	discovered Dr. Turecki's work in an article in "Good Housekeeping" or
	"Parents", can't remember which, and bought the book. It has help us
	*a lot* in dealing with our difficult child simply by allowing us to
	see that sometimes our son was up against inborn temperamental
	qualities that he could not help. He is either hotter or colder than
	everyone else; transitions are hard; he has a very high activity
	level; there is lots of negative persistence; regularity in sleep and
	eating has been a problem, etc. He is also very charming with a great
	sense of humor, intelligent, and very perceptive for a 9 yr. old. Part
	of the reason we survived early years as well as we all did was the
	management techiques and the philosophy I found in _The Difficult
	Child_. My husband and I could understand why our son was so difficult
	at times, recognize (mostly) what was true temperamental reactions 
	and what was just ordinary manipulative child, and deal with both 
	types of situations appropriately (again, most of the time. :-)
   	A lot of what is in the book is commonsense type discipline, but what
	I found to be so valuable was the sympathy and understanding it help
	me bring to parenting, even when I was the most frustrated. Because I

	could "label" what was going on, I could cope with the behavior
	better, as a sympathic, but firm adult, not as a "why are you doing
	this to me?" angry parent with problems continuing to escalate.
   	I do highly recommend the book. Sometimes real problems with inborn
	temperament get overlooked in dealing with "bad","difficult",
	"inapproriate", or "stubborn" behaviors.

Stephanie Marston: THE MAGIC OF ENCOURAGEMENT:  Nurturing Your Child's 
Self-Esteem.  Simon & Schuster, 1990. 
[sources incl. amazon]
	ISBN 0-671-73273-0.  Another Faber/Mazlish (sp?) clone,
	complete with excercises to do.  I haven't gotton through
	that one yet.  (Actually, while I find these books helpful
	in their suggestions, I much prefer to read straight narrative
	which is not divided into tiny little pieces of data with
	headings.) -Anon.

Positive Discipline
[sources incl. amazon]
	Another great book, along the same lines as Faber and Mazlish [see 
	above-Ed.], is Positive Discipline. It's in the Chinaberry Book
	Catalog,  in paperback. Every parent needs to read this one, Faber &
	Mazlish, and Richard Ferber!

        The book that helped me the most was [this book]. The part I
	found most helpful describes various "motives" that children
	have for mis-behaviour.  Details are given regarding the
	identification of the child's motive (or mistaken belief), and
	the way that you identify the motive is to analyze your own
	feelings.  I found this to be extraordinarily useful, since I
	found it difficult to determine what my daughter was feeling.  The book
	also gives strategies for dealing with misbehaviour, depending
	on the motive in each particular case. --Lisa Chirlian (from a post)


Your Child's Self Esteem
Dorothy Corkille Briggs
Dolphin Books-Doubleday & Company. 1975. ISBN 0-383-04020-2
[sources incl. amazon]
	This book is surprisingly up-to-date considering its publication
	date--a few mentions that something-or-other might cause homosexuality
	should in my opinion be ignored as being quite out of date, but it
	gives an excellent (and thorough) explanation of just WHY positive
	methods such as those advocated by Faber & Mazlish and by Gordon are
	much better in the long run for a child. -- Paula Burch

Loving Your Child Is Not Enough--Positive Discipline that works
Nancy Samalin with Martha Moraghan Jablow
Viking. 1987. ISBN 0-670-81362-1
[sources incl. amazon]

	Yet another book on practical applications of positive discipline!
	This is a good one, too; the funny thing about it is that I kept
	suspecting the author of plagierizing from Faber and Mazlish. This is
	explained by the fact the the latter studied with Haim Ginott,
	whereas this author studied with Adele Ginott, his wife; the two
	Ginotts taught the exact same techniques. As reading one book is
	rarely enough to learn a technique, I would advise reading every book
	on the subject--each one brings a different perspective. If you are
	only going to read one book, this wouldn't be my first choice, but
	it would certainly do. -- Paula Burch


Love and Anger
Nancy Samalin
[sources incl. amazon]
	An excellent book exploring the reasons why we sometimes explode with
	anger towards our children, and giving lots of suggestions for much
	more useful strategies when you are this angry. Very much worth 
	reading. -- Paula Burch


Jeanne Isley: SELF ESTEEM: A FAMILY AFFAIR
[OOP; try your library or amazon]
	one i love (and have given away at least 6 times) is [this]; it
	deals with infants all the way up to teenagers and how to
	increase self esteem. a lot has of it deals with our (the
	adult) perception of them (the annihilators, the shriekers...)
	 -- Mary Lea McAnally [posted]

Clare Cherry: Parents, Please Don't Sit On Your
Kids (A Parent's Guide to Nonpunitive Discipline)
[sources incl. amazon]
	I've been reading a wonderful book [this one]. I'd love to quote the
	whole section, but there's a no reproduction notice in the front, so
	I'll just retell it. This is described in a section about Deliberately
	Ignoring Provocations, and the specific scenerio is described on 
	page 139.
	She proposes that many behaviors that are done to get attention
	(hitting, biting, throwing up, tantrums, etc) can be stopped by
	ignoring the misbehavior - focusing attention elsewhere. There are
	several examples, but a specific story of an 18 month old who tantrums
	and then vomits in her playpen - which she is put in for short times
	when mom is doing housework. (Myself, I just don't do housework that
	was hazardous while alone with my kids, but that is pretty limiting!)
	The father is there, supporting the mom through it. The child cries,
	then throws up. Mom wants to rush in, but doesn't (with Dad's
	support). A minute later, she peeks, child is playing with the vomit
	and talking to herself. 5 minutes later, mom goes in, but does *not*
	mention the incident. "I'll put some clean clothes on you", and then
	she cleans her daughter and the playpen without any further
	comments. Then she puts her daughter back in and walks deliberately
	out, without looking back. Daughter begins to cry, then starts playing
	with her blocks. Mom finishes work in 10 minutes, comes and gets her,
	and they laugh. It takes 1 more incident to break the daughter's habit
	of vomiting with tantrums, and two more tantrums before she stops
	them, too.
	This whole thing makes sense to me - the hardest part to me seems to
	be having the self control to not comment on the incident and stay
	calm and matter-of-fact about things. I've seen my kids (2.5 and
	almost 5) come back and report on fights they've had - telling on
	themselves (as outlined in the book) and I am beginning to see how
	they're using that to get attention when I'm busy elsewhere. It's
	important to not have some kind of secondary gain coming into play
	(like Mom or Dad will jump (or get very upset) when we do xxx) when
	dealing with discipline matters.
	-- Tigger (Grace Sylvan) [posted]

Phelan: 1-2-3 Magic
[sources incl. amazon]
	If you're having problems with a four-to-eight-year old, you
	probably should get this book. With our older son, there came
	a time when common sense no longer worked. Logical
	consequences, no matter how sensible they seemed to both us
	and our son, did not deter him from behavior that made both
	him and us miserable.  This book made all the difference to
	us...we started insisting that our son behave well, and *without
	emotion* giving him a short punitive timeout if he acted out
	three times in a row within twenty minutes. You'd think a
	child wouldn't like this, wouldn't you? And you certainly wouldn't
	expect such a small punishment to do the trick. Instead, he
	immediately became much more cooperative, and much happier
	because we were spending time doing fun things instead of
	agonizing over toothbrushing and similar small issues.
	I do NOT recommend this as a first or only book, because I
	find the concepts of Psotive Discipline, such as is described in the
	works of Faber and Mazlish or Thomas Gordon, to be more respectful and
	a better foudnation for a happy family life. However, if you need help
	even after reading those, or if your family is in an emergency
	situation with this sort of frustration, this is an extremely helpful and
	useful book, and to be highly recommended. Especially helpful also
	for those who swore they'd never spank a child, and then, to their
	horror, did so once, and want to not repeat the experience. 
	--Paula Burch

Preschool-aged children

David Elking: Miseducation - Preschoolers At Risk
[sources incl. amazon]
	His premise is that many of our children are being
	misappropriately educated  for their age level. In our zest
	for creating "superkids" we do so at the risk of subjecting
	our kids to both psychological and physical problems. 
 	He explains the different stages of how children learn and
	that early  "miseducation" can cause permanent damage to their
	self-esteem, loss of a positive attitude towards learning, and
	actual physical problems caused by starting children in
	certain excellerated sports programs before their bodies have
	fully developed. I would highly recommend this book 
	--Lynne Chantler [from a post]

	Yes, I not only read Elkind's book, but have lent my copy out to
	numerous friends.  I absolutely agree with his arguments, and like
	Lynne, highly recommend the book.  After reading _Miseducation_, I
	was more convinced than ever that finding a non-academic preschool was
	the way I wanted to go.  Elkind basically states that early
	childhood educators have taken studies that show how much children
	are capable of learning in their early years (from about 2-6) and
	have twisted that around to make the argument that *since* kids' brains 
	are so malleable, they can be taught all sorts of things, like reading
	and foreign languages.  This perversion (sorry for such a strong
	word) of the brain studies results in what Elkind terms
	"miseducation."  [...] (NOTE:  Elkind (and I) are stressing
	the "pushing" part here; if a child shows an interest in learning to
	read, write, or whatever on his or her own, that's a different matter
	altogether.)  
	As Lynne pointed out, Elkind makes the argument that by pushing
	children to learn academics at earlier ages when they are not
	interested in such things can do a lot of harm, and very little
	good.  Young children learn through playing, and by encouraging them
	to explore their world at their own pace, parents and childhood
	educators lay the foundation for "readiness" to learn academic
	subjects.  Allowed to learn at their own pace, with an "emergent
	curriculum" (i.e. learning that is self-directed and that emerges
	from the child's own interests), children are much more apt to soak
	up the academic stuff later on.   --Diane Lin [from a post]

Thomas Sowell: Late-Talking Children. 1997. [sources incl. amazon]
	Essential reading for parents worried about very slow speech
	development in apparently otherwise normal children. This is
	not a what-to-do book; it's a book about the experiences of a
	father whose son began talking extraordinarily late. I think
	the boy had something like ten words at age four; he's now,
	as an adult, a computer programmer. The father is an extremely
	interesting writer, a well-known economist. The book

	summarizes the results of his survey of other parents of 
	late-talking children that were neither autistic nor
	hearing-impaired. The author hypothesizes that the slow speech
	development in this particular subset of children is the cost
	of rapid math development. --Paula Burch

Bruno Bettleheim, A GOOD ENOUGH PARENT.  Vintage Books, 1987. 
ISBN 0-394-75776-9.  
[sources incl. amazon]
	The title tells all.  A very re-assuring
	book which makes room for the fact that we parents are
	people who make mistakes and don't have to perfect.  Some
	helpful arguments against some long-held beliefs, e.g.,
	spanking as punishment, etc.


If Only I Were a Better Mother
[sources incl. Chinaberry, amazon]
	If you think that any mother who ever, even for a minute, places her 
	own needs above those of her child, is a monster, then you need this 
	book. (Then again, if you think that, you'll be raising a
	self-centered  monster who will never respect any need of their
	mother's, and you  probably need to see a therapist!) It may be useful
	if you feel guilty when you choose to meet your own needs, however
	important, at the expense of your child's, however trivial. Contains
	lots of made-up conversations with  'Kali', the 'dark goddess', which

	strike a jarringly self-conscious note. - Paula Burch

Lawrence Balter: Child Sense
[OOP; try your library or amazon]
			...what are your favorite books on child
	development?  I have lots, but the one I always return to is _Child
	Sense_ by Lawrence Balter.  Anywone else have a favorite?  My LEAST
	favorite is Burton White, who seems to think that children spaced
	together closer than three years will be totally *ruined*.  Very
	irritating!

T. Berry Brazelton 
"On Becoming A Family" [sources incl. amazon]

"Infants and Mothers" [sources incl. amazon]

"Parents and Toddlers"[sources incl. amazon]

"Working and Caring" [sources incl. amazon]

"What Every Baby Knows" [sources incl. amazon]
	
	T. Berry Brazelton is the Dr. Spock of our generation and his books
	could well be considered required reading.  He also hosts a show on
	Lifetime called "What Every Baby Knows".  
	Infants and Mothers and Parents and Toddlers are both broken up into
	personal stories about "typical" people culled from his pediatric
	practice.  In the  Infants book, there are three infants, "quiet",
	"average", and "active" who are tracked in their development month by
	month.  In Toddlers, different  children are studied at each phase 
	of toddlerhood.  

	I bought a book by T. Berry Brazelton called something like "Working
	and  Caring" about integrating work and caring for an infant.  I think
	it is a great book.  I found it very reassuring to read when I was
	trying to dance the line between the people who thought my schedue for
	returning to work was bad for my child and the people who thought I
	was forever giving up my career if I took off the time I had planned.

	"Infants and Mothers" is a very interesting book, and gives a
	month-by-month  account of the lives of three babies:  average, quiet
	and active.  The great  virtue of this book is that it gives a very
	complete picture of the lives of  three very different infants, all of
	whom are completely "normal."   It gives the reader a greater
	appreciation for the developmental timetable that each baby follows,
	and thus, an appreciation for the uniqueness of each baby.  Highly
	recommended for nervous first parents--it's very reassuring.

	I found Brazleton's books fun to read, but not worth buying since I
	wasn't apt to re-read them. The public library is made for
	books like this!  -- Paula Burch

Louise Bates Ames, Ph.D., Frances L. Ilg, M.D.:"Your X Year Old"
(X = One, Two, Three, etc. - this is a series) Publisher: Gesell
Institute of Human Development 
Your One-Year-Old : The Fun-Loving, Fussy 12-To 24-Month-Old	[sources incl. amazon]
Your 2 Year Old : Terrible or Tender	[sources incl. amazon]
Your Three Year Old : Friend or Enemy	[sources incl. amazon]
Your Four-Year-Old : Wild and Wonderful	[sources incl. amazon]
Your 5 Year Old : Sunny and Serene	[sources incl. amazon]
	Ames and Ilg was used in my parenting class and, so far, my children
	have been 100% in line with their stages of development.  A wonderful
	book series for helping to decide, "have I ruined my child or is this
	normal development" and the subsequent "should I fight this or suffer through it".

	Lots of questions on this net are oth the type "My X yr old is doing
	this - is it normal?"  I've been enjoying "Your Three Year Old" by
	Ames & Ilg. There is a whole series of these, going up to the preteen
	years.  "your Two Year Old was really on target for me last year. 
	Your Three Year Old isn't quite as close as the other one, but still
	has given me a lot of useful insights into David's current behaviors. 
	These books aren't big with practical tips on how to deal with
	specific behaviors, but I find just identifying the behavior pattern
	to be very helpful.  I can then deal with it with my repertoire of
	skills from other sources.  Here's a quote I love from this book
	"Parents sometimes fear that their Three and a half year old is deaf 
	when he so often disregards what is being said to him."  How true!

Fraiberg: "The Magic Years: Understanding the problems of early childhood" 
[sources incl. amazon]
	A classic, and very good reading, too.  Covers birth to 5 years,
	though she  basically zips through 0-6 months in a flash.  The main
	virtue of this book,  IMHO, was that she explains the developmental
	stage that the child is going  through so that parents can better
	understand that the child is DRIVEN to do something, and that the 
	behavior is not part of a plan to drive the
	parents crazy.


Marge Kennedy: 50 ways to bring out the smarts in your kid: how to
	provide inspiration and guidance to enhance children's
	learning in every way. (children 3 and up)
[sources incl. amazon]